Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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