Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
