just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
