me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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