i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
