Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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