I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize