Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
