Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
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