There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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