Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
