Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
