Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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