Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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