he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
