I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
