someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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