I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
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