i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
