Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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