my shit smells like andre
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
