i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
