If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
