we have officially lost it.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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