Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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