My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
