These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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