Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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