oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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