The brown eye won't let me do that either.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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