For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
