I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize