i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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