maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
