Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
