well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
