Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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