well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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