At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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