There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize