is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
