whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
