I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
