What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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