Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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