Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
