while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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