Don't make out with my wife yet
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
stop calling my apartment porn island.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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