I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
