we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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