Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
