I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
