so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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