So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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