Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm at about main and main street
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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