i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
