There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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