pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
