Plan B is the new Plan A
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Why can't burritos get me drunk
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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