I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize