ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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