I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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