I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
