Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize