Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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