100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
