I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
