I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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