I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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