I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Well I just put wine in my tea
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
