nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
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