I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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