I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Randomize
