His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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