and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
