Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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