Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
