the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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