it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
