...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
