if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
