Its about making memories worth repressing
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize