I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
