what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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