Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Randomize
