Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
