i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
