On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
