I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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