Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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