Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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