His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize